{"id":1250,"date":"2013-03-31T00:41:49","date_gmt":"2013-03-31T00:41:49","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/primolevicenter.org\/printed-matter\/?p=1250"},"modified":"2025-06-04T18:10:35","modified_gmt":"2025-06-04T18:10:35","slug":"a-marriage-in-war-and-peace","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/primolevicenter.org\/printed-matter\/a-marriage-in-war-and-peace\/","title":{"rendered":"A Marriage in War and Peace"},"content":{"rendered":"

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Alexander Stille, The Force of Things: A Marriage in War and Peace<\/em>, Farrar, Straus and Giroux, 2013<\/p>\n

\nAlexander Stille<\/a>\r\n\t \t\t
Alexander Stille (born 1957 in New York City) is an American author and journalist. He is the son of Ugo Stille, a well-known Italian journalist and a former editor of Italy’s Milan-based Corriere della Sera newspaper. Alexander Stille graduated from Yale and later the Columbia University Graduate School of Journalism. He has written many articles on the subject of Italy, in particular its politics and the Mafia. His first book, Benevolence and Betrayal: Five Italian Jewish Families Under Fascism<\/em>, was chosen by the Times Literary Supplement as one of the best books of 1992 and received the Los Angeles Times book award.<\/p>\n

\"stillecover\"<\/p>\n

In 1995 he wrote Excellent Cadavers: The Mafia and the Death of the First Italian Republic<\/em>, an investigation into the Sicilian Mafia in the latter-half of the twentieth century and in particular the events leading up to the major crackdown against the criminal organization in the 1990s following the bloodthirsty reign of Salvatore Riina.<\/p>\n

The book was dedicated to the memory of anti-mafia judges Giovanni Falcone and Paolo Borsellino.<\/p>\n

The events outlined in the book were made into a 1999 movie of the same name.<\/p>\n

In 2003 he wrote The Future of the Past,<\/em> about the efforts to preserve historical monuments and documentary evidence of ancient times.<\/p>\n

In 2006 he wrote The Sack of Rome: How a Beautiful European Country with a Fabled History and a Storied Culture Was Taken Over by a Man Named Silvio Berlusconi<\/em>, about Silvio Berlusconi.<\/p>\n

His book The Force of Things: A Marriage in War and Peace<\/em> is forthcoming in 2013. Stille also writes for The Boston Globe, The New York Review of Books, The New York Times and The New Yorker.<\/p>\n

For a short time, Stille lived in Milan, Italy, but currently resides in New York City and is the San Paolo Professor of International Journalism at Columbia. He was married to poet Lexi Rudnitsky until her death in January 2005. They had one son, Samuel, who was born in October 2004. He was named a Guggenheim Fellow in 2008.<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

Michiko Kakutani, The New York Times<\/em><\/p>\n

Elizabeth and Misha, Alexander Stille\u2019s mother and father, met in May 1948 at a party for Truman Capote. She came to the party with her husband at the time, Bob, and left with Misha. Within a week, she\u2019d moved out of the apartment she\u2019d shared with Bob, and begun an intense romance with Misha.<\/p>\n

The pair would get married and stay married for more than four decades, but the marriage would be a fiercely tempestuous one, fueled by epic fights and threats of divorce \u2014 a marriage that their son describes as a toxic clash of civilizations. When he was a teenager, he says, it reminded him of Sartre\u2019s line \u201cHell is other people.\u201d<\/p>\n

Why should readers care about a pair of strangers\u2019 bad marriage? Who wants to hear about the small and large cruelties these two combatants visited upon each other? The thing is, in \u201cThe Force of Things: A Marriage in War and Peace,\u201d their son brings to their story not only a sense of filial puzzlement and emotion, but also the narrative verve of a novelist combined with the unflinching eye of a seasoned journalist.<\/p>\n

In his capable hands, their distressing tale of marital woe becomes a fascinating psychological study of two people with complicated family pasts, trying to forge identities of their own \u2014 two people with utterly different views and experiences of history.<\/p>\n

She was an impulsive American girl, who\u2019d grown up with a WASPy sense of social entitlement in the Midwest and who \u201csaw the world as linear and rational.\u201d He was a double European refugee \u2014 displaced first by the Russian Revolution and later by the rise of Fascism in his family\u2019s adopted home, Italy; his unstable childhood left him with lasting fears and insecurities, and a view of the world as innately threatening and precarious.<\/p>\n

Even Misha\u2019s name and back story, his son observes, were protean: \u201cHe was born as Mikhail Kamenetzki in Moscow and died as Michael U. Stille in New York. In the family and to many friends he was known as Misha.\u201d<\/p>\n

As a prominent Italian journalist (who for many years served as a Milan newspaper\u2019s man in New York), he wrote under the name of Ugo Stille. This was an \u201cidealized self\u201d who projected \u201ccrystalline mental clarity\u201d and \u201cOlympian distance,\u201d a self in sharp contrast to the Rabelaisian man with the volcanic temper whom the author knew as his father.<\/p>\n

Ugo Stille was originally a pen name used by Misha in Fascist Italy, the author writes, as a means of circumventing Mussolini\u2019s racial laws, which banned Jews from publishing in newspapers. Stille means silence in German, \u201cand it seemed a good name for a pseudonym.\u201d<\/p>\n

Misha\u2019s son, Alexander, regarded him with a mixture of \u201cfascination, admiration and horror\u201d: he saw his dad sitting around the house in his pajamas much of the day, cranking out newspaper copy on deadline, before going out to attend a string of parties and returning home at 3 in the morning.<\/p>\n

He also saw him bullying his mother, condescending to her as a Midwestern provincial: \u201cYou understand nothing,\u201d he would say.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou are an idiot!\u201d As he came to appreciate the complexities of his parents\u2019 marriage, the younger Mr. Stille (that is, the younger Mr. Silence) wanted to \u201cfind ways to love my father without excusing his bad behavior.\u201d He started to learn Italian, and after college lived in Milan for two years. By getting to know his father\u2019s friends \u2014 and comprehend the world his father knew as a young man \u2014 Alexander grew closer to his difficult dad.<\/p>\n

It was around this time, too, that he decided to follow his father\u2019s footsteps into journalism.<\/p>\n

It is Mr. Stille\u2019s determination to use his skills as a reporter to flesh out his family\u2019s history that lends this book its depth of field and emotional ballast.<\/p>\n

He interviews his dying mother, who is on cortisone, which seems to work on her \u201clike a truth serum.\u201d<\/p>\n

He also combs through family papers, and the love letters and telegrams exchanged by his parents during their courtship.<\/p>\n

Through such research Mr. Stille is able to recreate the worlds his parents transited. He conjures the bohemian, intellectual universe his parents knew in New York in the 1960s, when people argued late into the night about Vietnam and the Black Power movement, and writers like Norman Mailer and Alfred Kazin showed up at their Greenwich Village apartment.<\/p>\n

He takes us further back in time to meet the flirtatious, boy-crazy girl his mother was at boarding school and college.<\/p>\n

And he transports us to the anxious world his father\u2019s family inhabited in Fascist Italy in the 1930s, as they desperately tried to find a way to make it to the promised land, America.<\/p>\n

His father fell in love with his mother, in part, Mr. Stille says, because she was such \u201ca product of the America that he had come to love\u201d: a girl who had \u201cthe freedom, naturalness, irreverent wit and beauty of some of the women he admired in the movies of the 1930s \u2014 Rosalind Russell in \u2018His Girl Friday,\u2019 Jean Arthur in \u2018Mr. Smith Goes to Washington.\u2019 \u201d<\/p>\n

His mother, Alexander Stille thinks, was unlikely to have been smitten by his father\u2019s looks: his dad so much resembled Jean-Paul Sartre, he used to think, that \u201cthere must be a factory somewhere in Europe where they turn out these small, dark, serious, intellectual types who are born with glasses on.\u201d<\/p>\n

Elizabeth, however, was riveted by Misha\u2019s intellect, his white-hot energy and the intensity with which he focused all his charms on her.<\/p>\n

For a long time Misha didn\u2019t tell Elizabeth much about himself \u2014 including that he was Jewish. \u201cMy mother was obviously hurt and angry,\u201d Mr. Stille writes. \u201cHow could he possibly think it would matter to her? she wondered.\u201d And yet, he points out, \u201canti-Semitism was a widespread and simply accepted attitude in the world my mother grew up in,\u201d and those prejudices erupted on his parents\u2019 wedding day.<\/p>\n

It was then that Elizabeth met Misha\u2019s father for the first time, and was revolted, in the author\u2019s words, by what she saw: \u201ca Yiddish-speaking shtetl Jew who had the instincts and manners of an itinerant peddler.\u201d<\/p>\n

Later, near the end of her life, she made this shocking confession about her feelings toward her father-in-law: \u201cI thought to myself, Hitler killed six million Jews and he had to spare this guy!?\u201d<\/p>\n

Needless to say, this was not an auspicious start to Elizabeth and Misha\u2019s marriage. And their son chronicles all the ugliness \u2014 and the happier moments too \u2014 with a journalist\u2019s unsparing gaze, and a son\u2019s need to come to terms with their tangled relationship.<\/p>\n

He leaves us not just with extraordinarily powerful portraits of these terribly mismatched individuals, but also with a deeply felt understanding of how they were shaped by their very different lives and times, before fate contrived for them to meet at that party for Truman Capote.<\/p>\n

Mr. Stille says his parents\u2019 story makes him believe that \u201cthe zeitgeist rubs off on us,\u201d that history attaches itself to everything, \u201clike pollen in springtime,\u201d affecting \u201cthe way we think and talk, the possibilities we imagine for ourselves, the choices we make or fail to make.<\/p>\n

\u201cOur lives,\u201d he writes, \u201chave meaning \u2014 above and beyond our individual qualities \u2014 because we are part of and express the times in which we live.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

        Alexander Stille, The Force of Things: A Marriage in War and Peace, Farrar, Straus and Giroux, 2013 Michiko Kakutani, The New York Times Elizabeth and Misha,…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":6532,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"ngg_post_thumbnail":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1250","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-books"],"yoast_head":"\nA Marriage in War and Peace - Printed_Matter<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/primolevicenter.org\/printed-matter\/a-marriage-in-war-and-peace\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"A Marriage in War and Peace - Printed_Matter\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"        Alexander Stille, The Force of Things: A Marriage in War and Peace, Farrar, Straus and Giroux, 2013 Michiko Kakutani, The New York Times Elizabeth and Misha,...\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/primolevicenter.org\/printed-matter\/a-marriage-in-war-and-peace\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Printed_Matter\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2013-03-31T00:41:49+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2025-06-04T18:10:35+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/primolevicenter.org\/printed-matter\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/03\/UgoStille.jpeg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"474\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"258\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"adkim\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"adkim\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"8 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/primolevicenter.org\/printed-matter\/a-marriage-in-war-and-peace\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/primolevicenter.org\/printed-matter\/a-marriage-in-war-and-peace\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"adkim\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/primolevicenter.org\/printed-matter\/#\/schema\/person\/7db57d2ae8d63dbc6c645dc92917ebe2\"},\"headline\":\"A Marriage in War and Peace\",\"datePublished\":\"2013-03-31T00:41:49+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2025-06-04T18:10:35+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/primolevicenter.org\/printed-matter\/a-marriage-in-war-and-peace\/\"},\"wordCount\":1617,\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/primolevicenter.org\/printed-matter\/a-marriage-in-war-and-peace\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/primolevicenter.org\/printed-matter\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/03\/UgoStille.jpeg\",\"articleSection\":[\"Books\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/primolevicenter.org\/printed-matter\/a-marriage-in-war-and-peace\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/primolevicenter.org\/printed-matter\/a-marriage-in-war-and-peace\/\",\"name\":\"A Marriage in War and Peace - 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